A Brief History of Gonville & Caius College

In April, I was told that I would be living at Gonville & Caius (pronounced "keys") College. According to Wikipedia, the College has a rich and cherished history.

Strangely, nobody knows quite when it was founded. In his journals, Sir Gerald Cambridge claims that it was, "just sort of there already.” Notable Gonville & Caius College alumni include John Venn, inventor of the Venn diagram; George Green, inventor of the color green; and Edward Bromhead, whose name is hilarious.

Upon graduation, students of Gonville & Caius College pass through the “Gate of Honour”. The word “Honor” is deliberately misspelled as a tribute to famed physician and college namesake John Caius (pronounced "keys"). Dr. Caius insisted that his last name, along with many other words, should be spelled with a "u".

Closer inspection of historical records reveals that John Caius was actually born John Keys. However, most likely due to severe dyslexia, he was unable to spell his own name. During a 1535 lecture, he asserted that the spelling of his name was C-A-I-U-S rather than K-E-Y-S. A lone student noisily dissented, claiming that the word Keys was, "not spelled with a u."

Instead of admitting defeat, John Keys boldly and immediately changed his name to John Caius. He then cunningly used his influence with the clergy to ensure that the pupil who had spoken out of turn was convicted for heresy. At the time, standard punishment was tongue removal.

Never again would anyone in Britain question the incorrect spelling of Dr. Caius' name, or any other word for that matter. The evidence of this is still visible in the butchered, u-heavy version of the English language used in the United Kingdom today.

The story behind the name of Gonville & Caius College is also very bizarre. In 1544, John Caius exhumed the corpse of Edmund Gonville, removed the cadaver’s right hand, and crudely sewed it onto his own left wrist. (At the time, this was a common cure for left-handedness.) “I am now Gonville AND CAIUS!!!” he famously exclaimed after his self-performed operation was declared a success.

An hour later, Dr. Caius expired from a massive blood infection, and it was agreed that his college be given the name it bears today.